Freud once proposed that we are driven by the pleasure-pain principle. That is, most of our pursuits instinctively revolve around pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain. While avoiding negative events and people might sound good on paper, this instinct works against us in our inner life. We cannot run away from our pain and unresolved emotions, for they are a part of us.

What do we do when we are upset? We blur it out with the noise from the television; drown it with alcohol; obscure it with smoke. Yet this never works. Emotions are there, simply to be felt.

When we allow ourselves to feel them, they let go of us.

Think of a rubber gardening hose. The water flows right through it, always fresh. But what happens if we block it off or tie it up into knots? Over time, the pressure builds. The rest of the hose begins to leak and crack, and soon the entire hose ruptures. It is the same with our emotions – we can’t block them off. Just feel them completely; welcome them, without acting on them. Slowly, we begin to free ourselves from our own prison, and let the pain go.

Learning to embrace our pain and bad feelings is the only way we can ever move past them. It’s all part of the learning process. Just like learning to ride a bicycle, we make mistakes and we don’t do too well the first time. Don’t beat yourself up; just keep practicing. Soon you will find this to be a natural way of being in the world.

Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If we quit, it lasts forever.

Peace and love, Jim