Few of us are immune to holding grudges. A grudge might start as irritation with someone’s behavior and lead to avoiding that person. Though familiar enough, we might do well to ask some questions: How long do we hold a grudge? Do we want our grudges to grow into resentment?
Former South African President Nelson Mandela is credited with saying, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”[During his 27 years in prison, he could have easily resented his jailers, but he learned to move away from hate and embrace people with compassion.
While grudges are a natural reaction to feeling wronged, resentment forms when they become entrenched in our hearts. That, like other longstanding stressors, can negatively impact our health, increasing the risk of things like depression, heart disease or illness. It can also destroy trust and intimacy and lead to contempt, making it hard to appreciate others.
Buddhism offers concrete means for overcoming resentment. In Buddhist writings, “bearing grudges” is one of the fourteen slanders, negative attitudes that Buddhist practitioners should avoid harboring toward the Law and fellow practitioners. Buddhism considers them serious offenses because they go against the Lotus Sutra’s intent of respecting all people, leading to disbelief in the in our own and others’ Buddha nature. As such, they could keep us from deepening our ties with others and attaining Buddhahood in this lifetime.
The long-term goal is to, like Mandela, develop our compassion. Buddhism teaches that because we’re all respect worthy Buddhas there’s no need to hold on to ill will, compare ourselves to others or be swayed by others’ actions.
As we face and challenge our circumstances, we can find the wisdom and compassion to transform the poison of resentment into the fuel for tapping our Buddhahood and creating lasting value.
